Who the f✹ck is Abi?
I thought it was about time I did a bit of an ‘open book’ session on who I actually am.
If you’ve read The Long Version, you’ll know a bit about my past, but I thought I’d dive a bit deeper into who I am NOW, so you can get to know me a bit better.
As labels go, I’m a perimenopausal, bipolar, ADHD and probably autistic, cis white woman.
I actually love labels - not because I want to be squeezed into a box, but because for me, the knowledge of who I am and how my brain works enables me to manage myself so much better. I actually find it freeing - I spent too many years trying to figure out why I couldn’t do life in the same ways that others seemed to, so having data about myself and almost a Haynes manual for my brain REALLY helps.
From the moment I walked out of my abusive marriage in 2006, into a tiny, scruffy rental with furniture donated by a charity, I knew that I had purpose and owed to myself and my kids to find it. Before that point, I was a shell of who I am now. Emotionally broken by abuse, trauma, rape and undiagnosed neurodivergence, I felt unloved and was desperately seeking a way of fitting in, of feeling good enough, and for me at the time, the shining light of narcissism brought me in like a moth to a flame. I was gaslit, emotionally and financially abused, with my self worth in tatters, and it took everything I had to walk out the door that day with the kids in tow. But oh, the relief. I felt like I could breathe again, and every part of me was able to come out of the darkness. Of course, I actually went a little off the rails at this point and partied WAY too hard, but it was my reaction to not being allowed to have friends or go on nights out. By 30, I’d pretty much got it out of my system.
Then, I thought I found my soulmate at 33. We were together nearly 10 years, when he left for his assistant, 10 years younger than me. That old cliche
As with most things, it worked out for the best.
ANd since then I have realised that my lifelong soulmate isn’t a person, it’s learning and acquiring knowledge. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been fascinated with learning as much as possible about the world around me. I want to know the names of plants, of birds, of stones I find on the beach. I want to know how things work, from subatomic particles through to infinite black holes. And I want certificates to prove I do indeed know the things. It’s something that gives me great joy, and I’ll never stop. I actually thought everyone was like this, but it turns out that most people really don’t notice or care about the world around them in such detail.
I always notice the smallest of details about people and things, and yet sometimes miss the big things staring me in the face. I’ll notice your supercool tiny silver earring, or something small you’ve added to an outfit. To me, those things are interesting and important.
You may also notice I’m quite woo - I freaking love all things magickal, and have wanted to be a witch since I was a kid. Living in a forest cottage with animals for company? Perfect 😅
I still practice magick today - the kind that involves deep inner work, repetition and every day commitment to upleveling your energetic field. I studied crystals and vibrational medicine for 2 years with Hazel Raven, was entranced by the magic of essential oils so studied aromatherapy, before taking a 4 year BSc(Hons) in Acupuncture. Healing has always been part of what I do - (mainly because I wanted to learn to heal myself) and I still do today with my coaching clients; albeit in the form of energy clearing and deep energetic uplevel.
I’ve also recently taken so much inspiration from the things I loved as a child - gymnastics, running clubs and memberships, magic, animals, nature. As well as that, peaking my truth around what I actually LOVE, rather than the things I think I should like, or the things I think I should say, has been an absolute game-changer. In the years of having babies, and being a mum/wife/employee I kind of lost who I was. My energy was put into my family and my job. Now my kids are adults, my energy is free to go back into me, into my passions and my future. My 40s have been more revealing, enlightening and inspiring than I ever could have hoped for, I made it this far and I’m not dead yet being thoughts that are top of my mind.
I’ve been coaching for a long time in various guises and roles, but I have never felt as much at home in my work as I do now as an ADHD Coach. It’s like all of the multifaceted brilliance of everything I’ve done and all the eclectic experiences, qualifications, ups, downs and everything in between has come together and converged, finally, into something beautiful. I guess finding your life’s work at 46 is pretty cool, and it definitely wouldn’t have been possible without the vast spectrum of experiences I’ve had.
As my gray hair grows in (I’m 6 months dye free and counting), my middle gets a bit thicker (thanks perimenopause), my bones ache more and my skin no longer bounces back like it used to, I feel the space that was occupied with ego, and other people's opinions is now occupied by truth, light and love. How great is that?
So what can you take from this reflective inquiry into who I actually am? I hope you find some connection and some comfort from one woman to another. I hope you feel seen. And if things are hard right now, know that this too shall pass and bright things are on the other side.
If you feel like you need some support with your ADHD symptoms, are struggling with the headfuck that comes with being diagnosed at a later point in life (IYKYK) or want business/strategy support, please reach out.
